Redefining Resistance with Rebecca Ching Part 3
Welcome to the third and final episode in my Redefining Resistance mini-series on The Simply Smart Business Show. This series is about going deep into that painful, uncomfortable, and horrible area of resistance we often find ourselves in as business owners.
In the final part of this vital conversation with Leadership Coach, Rebecca Ching, we talk about how to unburden and release from resistance so we can move forward.
If you haven’t tuned in to parts one and two of the Redefining Resistance mini-series, go back and listen so you can understand how to identify and rumble with resistance first.
Part #1: How to identify resistance
Part #2: The rumble with resistance
Part #3: Releasing from resistance
Listen to this episode here.
Takeaways from this show:
- Releasing from resistance is a nuanced process to be done with deep care and the right support if needed. If we rush to get rid of, or fix, whatever is the source of our protective instinct, we can do more harm.
- A trauma informed leadership lens recognises that resistance, however it shows up, is there to protect us from some deeper pain in our story.
- Acknowledging that we all carry trauma means we can be curious about what’s underneath other people’s resistance and reactions. Having compassion for their resistance doesn’t mean we don’t have boundaries and accountability.
- Dick Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems, calls the exiled parts of ourselves we’ve tried to keep away – the deep shame, despair, trauma, alienation – “the basement children”.
- Our resistance works overtime to make sure our exiled parts don’t overwhelm us. It believes that if we feel the shame, depression or despair, we won’t function.
- The “cut it out, let it go, crush it, kill it” approach to what’s underneath our resistance further exiles the pain in ourselves, or in other people.
- Our resistance protectors need to trust the present day version of us to sit with what’s coming up before they’ll relax enough to let us even access the deeper, exiled parts. When we access and connect with these exiles, healing happens.
- Sometimes these burdens are not coming from inside. Unattached burdens or legacy burdens, from historical conflicts and wars, sexism, racism etc, must be approached in a respectful and permission based way. The more unburdened we become, the safer and more healthy the world becomes.
- Spontaneous unburdenings happen when we witness, either alone or with a trusted coach or therapist, those things in our system we have previously exiled. Bringing compassion to those parts of us, and others, can bring immediate relief.
- Look at your language around resistance. How does “unburden” versus “fix” feel?
- Learning to work with resistance impacts profit and the vision of business. The more we can befriend our system, build the capacity to tolerate the vulnerability that comes with leaning into resistance, and cultivate self-leadership, the more we can unburden ourselves. Slowly our system sees that no matter what happens, we will not abandon ourselves, and in turn we can become braver business leaders.
- There is an absolute need for more female and empathic leadership across every area of our world – and it all starts with us. If we do this inner work and step into self leadership, it has a ripple effect to every single person we work with.
Rebecca’s book recommendations
- Brene Brown’s ‘Braving the Wilderness: The Quest For True Belonging and the Courage To Stand Alone’
- Dick Schwartz’ books: ‘Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model’ and ‘You’re the One You’ve Been Waiting For’.
Listen to this episode here.
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