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Redefining Resistance with Rebecca Ching Part One

Redefining Resistance with Rebecca Ching 

Welcome to the first episode in my Redefining Resistance mini-series on The Simply Smart Business Show, where we are going deep into that painful, uncomfortable, and horrible area of resistance that we often find ourselves in. 

I’m so excited to share this conversation with Leadership Coach, Rebecca Ching. We get into why pushing through resistance can actually make it worse, resistance as a form of protection and why the way we approach emotional struggle as a culture isn’t working.

What to expect on the Redefining Resistance mini-series:

Episode #1: How to identify resistance 

Episode #2: The rumble with resistance 

Episode #3: Releasing from resistance

You don’t want to miss this series, so make sure you’re subscribed here.

Listen to this episode here.

Takeaways from this show:

  • We have to let go of the aggressive narrative of, “It’s just resistance, push on through, let it go, crush fear.” 
  • From a trauma-informed perspective, pushing through resistance can actually make it worse. While it can work in the short-term, it can bring up shame and may lead to questioning whether you should be doing what you’re doing. 
  • Resistance is a form of protection. We’re not born with self-doubt, shame or imposter experience. We take those things on as burdens as we go through life and incur traumas – from disappointment, rejection and betrayal to neglect, abuse, accidents, grief and loss.
  • When resistance comes up, get curious about what it’s saying. Curiosity allows for relaxation and greater agency over resistance, imposter experience, overwhelm, shame or self-doubt. Name it as a story.
  • See resistance as a protector with good intentions trying to keep you safe. Unpack the resistance and start to understand that, for example, your protective parts want you to stay small so that you don’t get hurt like you did in the past (even though intellectually you know that’s not possible).
  • The personal development space has reduced people down to things to be fixed and healed but we’re so much more complex, nuanced and unique. 
  • A lot of entrepreneurs and leaders value efficiency and want to bulldoze through resistance. But when we exile our protective parts it ends up being a lot less efficient versus building a relationship with those parts.
  • How we struggle in emotion is influenced by systems of toxic masculinity, sexism and racism that is about power over and says it’s weak to show your emotions. But the world right now needs leaders to model healthy boundaries and grounded self-leadership.
  • How we approach emotional struggle as a culture isn’t working – just look at statistics for divorce, addiction, depression, anxiety and suicide. If established leaders who have influence on their communities start to shift this, not only can they have more thriving businesses and help their clients and communities grow, but also have a positive impact on decreasing those statistics that are robbing people of a thriving life. 
  • The global pandemic is showing us the difference between empathic leadership and more traditional leadership. Leaders can care about the bottom line and also about the greater good. 
  • A ‘no shame, no blame’ environment creates space for vulnerability and genuine connection and helps us know we aren’t alone. We are made to desire love and belonging like we need oxygen to breathe and your inner protector will do whatever it takes to keep you from feeling the intensely painful fear of not being worthy of them. 
  • If our nervous system feels we can tolerate risk, uncertainty and emotional exposure, our protectors can relax. Our work is to help our systems tolerate more vulnerabilities, so we can be more empathetic leaders.
  • People are praised for “keeping it together” and being “strong”. But vulnerability and empathic leadership isn’t lack of strength, it’s connection. We’re so afraid of being misunderstood that our protectors are focused on keeping the image up so people respect us, and want to invest in us.
  • It’s contagious when you feel seen and understood by a mentor, coach, colleague, family member – and it’s what our world needs now more than ever. 
  • Seeing resistance as an altruist who is getting in the way of us sitting with a difficult emotion, instead of an enemy, can be helpful.
  • To identify resistance, get used to being curious about your impulse to shut down discomfort. If we live in that space for too long, we don’t differentiate ourselves from our protective parts. When you notice resistance, ask “where do I feel it in or around my body?”
  • If you feel nothing or feel numb, proceed with caution. From a trauma-informed perspective, when we’re disconnected from our body it’s for a good reason so don’t push it, but stay curious about what the job of the numb wall is.
  • If you can access what you’re feeling in your body, in your gut, head, jaw begin to witness it and pay attention to it. Don’t analyse it, coach it or tell it what to do. The practise is to build a relationship with your system so you can earn the right to lead it, instead of it leading you.

Listen to this episode here.

More on Rebecca here: 

Find out more: https://www.rebeccaching.com

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